I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize