I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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