He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
