My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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