Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
