my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
