If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
