Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
