he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
