So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
