i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
