At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
