Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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