Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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