I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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