she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
