I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
