I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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