i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
