So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Two words: nipple clamps
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