Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
