I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
