woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
