Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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