My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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