you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
