It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
