i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
