I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize