I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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