I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
