Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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