Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
do herpes really smell.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
