Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
