I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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