i would punch a child for taco bell
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
