I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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