Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
