Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
