I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
