Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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