one might say we're banned from that church
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
