it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
