hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
