Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
