Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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