I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
