plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize