Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
