Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
