I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
