Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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