This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
