you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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