Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hippo gnu deer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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