I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
