fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've blown a few things in my day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
