All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
