I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
