Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
