So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize