She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm too high and old for this...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
