Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
