oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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