So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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