Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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