I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
