you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
